Table of Contents

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I am providing you with a descriptive table of contents so that you can get a feel for what you can anticipate learning, and how each skill will be of benefit to you and the people in your life. As you may have already read, this website is about learning skills that help you create the good life, create the energy you want, learn the way you want, and love the way you want. This is the reverse of what most of us have learned. We have usually been taught that if you're smart, good things will happen, if you're motivated good things will happen, and results are the measure of the person. Analysis reveals life just doesn't work best that way. We really need the skills for all phases of our lives, the basic ones, that is, that most of us have not been taught. This is an opportunity to add to the richness of your life, or if you are saddled with fears, self-condemning thoughts, and downer emotions, to replace them by using these skills. What are these skills important for? Parenting, loving, learning, working, and playing of course!

1. EFFORT---Effort is not a fixed trait that reveals your character, it is learnable, improvable, and can be mastered. It means to put your energy into Focusing on the matter at hand in order to bring out your most appropriate skills. It is quite brain friendly as it utilizes your energy, and it provides you with energy for exercising your skills of learning, figuring out, deciding, empathizing, and concentrating. These skills provide the channels for expressing your energy and, in turn, revitalize your Effort. It is about getting the most out of yourself by focusing on putting forth your best effort.

2. FOCUS---In this module, you will find: in-depth explanations of Focus, how it's driven by your brain and experience, and its role as your major connector to reality, to your creativity, and to your memory. Focus not only improves your consciousness, but your intuitiveness as well. You will find exercises to improve your Focus. You can discover the two major processes in Focus that help you experience full-scale learning, more effective Decision-making, more productive action, and closer interpersonal relationships. Focus provides the primary channel for Effort to be expressed in our decisions, our empathy, our parenting, and, yes, our loving. Focus creates a sense of absorbedness instead of overwhelmedness---the sweet feeling of losing yourself in what you are doing.

3.DECISION-MAKING---is another in this repertoire of thriving, learnable and improvable skills you will master. In this module, you are presented a simple model for making decisions. It is self-adjusting for all ages, from very young brains to very old ones. It uses a simple acronym, SOCCSS, led by Situational Analysis, followed by Options and Consequences, for making quick, or deeply thought out decisions. It is a simple procedure, and by learning it you will join decision-makers like: scientists such as Einstein and Jonas Salk, athletes like Tiger Woods, fighter pilots like Col. John Boyd, innovators like Bill Gates, and the best of friends, lovers, and parents. This is another basic process and strategy for absorbing yourself in the moment and in the flow of moments we all encounter at work, school, play, and interpersonal relationships. It is an antidote for such berserk-makers as, anxiety, downers, sleeplessness, and brain deterioration.

4. SELF-TALK---is about thinking in words, phrases, sentences, and even pictures and numbers, or other symbols. In this module, you will find the many kinds of Self-talk, and the many ways you are affected. It is a major starting place for managing our minds, our feelings, and our actions. As you learn how to identify your Self-talk, you will find it is an extremely powerful tool your brain possesses for helping you actualize yourself to your fullest. You will develop this power for making your actions more effective, for getting the most out of yourself, by using this outlet to stay in the flow of consistent and full Effort.

5. EGO FREEDOM---In this module, you will get an in-depth understanding of how Freedom from Ego means relief from concerns about your images of your intelligence, talent, or worth being reflected in your knowledge, decisions, or actions. It takes these toxic elements out of your daily thoughts, particularly in regard to those matters most important to you. The skill of Ego Freedom frees you from the images you have to live up to so that you can participate fully and freely in activities and relationships that are compatible with your brain and your wisdom. This enables you to concentrate and put yourself into love, work, learning, and play without Ego horning in. Anger, or adulation, which usually come from Ego, are roads to misery. Ego Freedom has no time for such trifling with your morale, and provides you with the energy to continuously put forth your best Effort loving, playing, working, and learning.

6. EMPATHY---Empathy, too, is a skill, not simply the fixed trait you were brought up to believe, and that you either have, or don't. In this module you will learn the different types of Empathy, and the different ways to experience it. You will learn different ways to learn Empathy and to improve your Empathy skills. Empathy, different from sympathy, and different from helping or celebrating with someone to gain approval, gives you a stable and predictable connection with others. It gives you a way to understand others, and perhaps experience warmth toward them, without necessarily agreeing. Most notably, and this seems to be a secret, it is one of the most effective ways to prevent anger, frustration, personal hurt, and giving up. It is an extremely brain friendly skill as it contributes to harmonizing with others, and to a continuous flow of gaining knowledge and understanding of people with whom you work, live, love, play, and learn.

7. LIVE BY THE ADJECTIVE, DIE BY THE ADJECTIVE---In this module you can learn what happens when things we do are driven by adjectives---in particular, the evaluative ones that imply or explicitly define something as good, bad, or should, shouldn't, or more popularly, cool and sucks. By using such adjectives to drive your Choice of Options, you are distracted from fully concentrating on executing the Option, and you are blinded from seeing the probable outcomes. The poor judgment and execution by teens and young adults is our most obvious example of what happens when we are driven by such things as "how great it would be to do something cool like that." Extreme highs and lows of energy and emotions is another example. Living by the adjective fragments one's thinking and produces considerable stress, sometimes separated by short periods of enjoyment. It is quite brain Unfriendly. Learn about shifting from adjectives to the Language of Do.

8. THE LANGUAGE OF DO---This module is about learning to keep your mind on actions, happenings, and resolve instead of "I should have…..," "This is awful," distractions about results or ratings, or "Life should be……." The Language Of Do is basic to getting in harmony with life, to finding your own kind of compatibility with others instead of conformity relationships. And it is a way to gain a sense of inner strength. While enhancing creativity, the combination of Self-Talk, the Language of Do, Decision-making, Ego Freedom, and Empathy help the brain organize itself and expand its capacities. The whole of the universe and our own bodies are in the Do. Learning how to keep your mind Doing The Do is one of the best ways to remain calm and find resolve.

9. SEQUENCING---Sequencing is a very powerful tool for getting things done and when combined with the other skills contributes to others and to your own peace of mind. It is an aspect of a larger and more fancy term, namely, linear thinking and acting---that is, like absorbing, processing, and expressing information in a sequential, A-B-C-D, or straight line fashion. Rote learning, and completed projects of any kind are very dependent upon Sequencing skills. Deciding on a plan of action requires Sequencing skills. Much of parenting requires Sequencing skills. Determining Consequences that follow Options is dependent on Sequencing skills. If you are now a skillful Sequencer, appreciate it, if you don't already. If you would like to get better, get the whole module.

10. ANALYSIS, AMORPHOUSIS, & SYNTHESIS--tells you how to break things down (Analysis), and put them together to define a Situation or complete a Decision-making process (Synthesis). This module illustrates how these processes clarify Situations for you. You can, therefore, move forward, make matters workable, and remove the fuzziness or ambivalence (Amorphousis). Too many of us live ambivalent lives, not because we are lazy, stupid, passive, or mousy, but because we lack the necessary Analysis and Synthesis skills that help us make decisions and plans of action. These skills are very important at work, managing finances, parenting, friending, and learning.

11. INTERPERSONAL MATH---Don't be scared off. This module is about how to use mathematical literacy and fluency in your personal relationships, without being a numbers nerd or cold hearted. You already use numbers in personal relationships with words like, more, less, in proportion to, how much, a lot, not much, etc. You can, if you want, actually put numbers to aspects of your personal relationships---like, how much trust, competence, affection, communication, etc. It helps you to make many decisions that deeply affect your life. It is a way to organize your mind and your emotions, to reduce the fragmentation that modern life rains on us. Your brain will like the organization that Interpersonal Math gives it. Getting into math-like thinking can give you a mental platform to organize your financial life, understand money, and yes, feel love and understanding of others.

12. SOCCSS ©, TEACHING SOCIAL INTERACTION & SELF-TALK SKILLS---This is a technique for teaching the skills we have here, and how to use them. It is for use with individuals and with groups. The technique is described sequentially, and once learned, can be practiced by most anyone with formally or informally derived teaching abilities and interests. Skills that are used in the learning process include: Cooperation, Negotiation, Empathy, Ego Freedom, Language of Do, Communication, Self-talk, Interpersonal Math, and Decision-making. Thus, the technique promotes practicing many skills at one time.

13. IDENTIFYING SPECIFIC FEELINGS, EFFORTS, ACTIONS, & THOUGHTS (IS-FEAT)---is about a very basic ability to put into words to yourself and others what it is you are Feeling, what Effort you put into something, what Actions you take, and what Thoughts are going through your mind in the form of words or pictures. These skills are basic to making fluent connections with others as well as with very important parts of your own make-up. They work for you in many types of situations ranging from possible illegal activity, drinking, and drugs to decisions to marry, to have sex, to work or study, or not. These skills give you a sense of confidence, along with other skills, and self-control. They will also help you with increasing your Empathy, Decision-making, Priority-making, Self-talk, and Ego-freedom skills.

14. MEMORY & RECALL---Focus, Decision-making, Priority-making, Sequencing, Identification of Feeling, and Language of Do combine to make up the Memory and Recall circuitry. There is long-term memory, short-term memory, working memory, memory for nouns, verbs, adjectives, for movement, music, poetry, etc. There is immediate recall, delayed recall, sequential recall, fragmented recall, factual recall, conceptual recall, picture recall, etc. Memory & Recall can be trained like any other skill, and exercising it helps to keep the brain healthy. Again, it is often assumed that memory occurs if one cares enough, but is not thought of as a skill that needs to be enhanced before and during school, not ignored as a skill in itself that is also dependent on the other skills in the circuit. It is extremely important to have effective Recall & Memory skills in order to make effective decisions, use good judgment, or experience close interpersonal relationships.

15. PRIORITY-MAKING & MANAGEMENT (PM&M)---this underestimated skill is also very much a part of brain conservation and enhancement. It helps you learn to distinguish between what is relevant, and what may be related, but is not suited to the matter at hand. By becoming skillful at PM&M, you are able to reduce your distractions, shift tasks and attention only when necessary, and along with the other skills, maintain a sense of ease and direction. Making and Managing our Priorities is, when combined with the other skills is a powerful way to keep yourself on track. Einstein found he had to learn this in order to get to progress with his creative approach. As he put it, "I soon learned the means of attaining the most fundamental realities by putting off the thousand other things which filled the mind but which diverted one from the essential." I guess if Einstein had to learn this, we can put our efforts into doing so.

16. CREATIVITY, INITIATIVE, & PERSISTENCE---are more likely soul mates than we usually think. Besides, thinking outside of the box is only fitting for the combination of Creativity, Initiative, and Persistence. Creativity, not as mysterious as we often think, is about seeing alternatives, possibilities, or options. Initiative is about seeing opportunities and seizing upon them to insert your ideas and actions. Persistence, in this context, is about pursuing and affirming the value of diversity and open-mindedness, not playing dead in the face of closed-mindedness. Too often, people with creative options---those not already used in a particular situation---are shot down when they express them. We have yet to create a very open culture, which is needed in order to cultivate open minds. Hence, we have too many minds closed to new and creative options, even though they are shown to be substantial. When creative ideas and options do prevail, it is often because the creator's persistence pried open the closed minds. Thus, our country loses much forward energy when creations are smothered, for no reason, except they are new and different.

17. REASONING: Useful, Useless, and Manipulative---are kinds of reasoning that are either helpful, or not, and sometimes hurtful. If we jump to a conclusion about what we hear or see, it is not helpful, can be hurtful, and only if lucky, can it be helpful. If we gather carefully observed information, piece it together and develop a concept or idea from which springs some action and learning, it is likely to be helpful. If on the other hand, we use only parts of information, thus stacking the deck, then put these half-facts together, we end up with half-witted ideas that sound perfectly reasonable. If we start out with an idea that is so dear to our hearts, it shuts out important information, we interpret information wrongly and make short circuited decisions that are often harmful. If we realize life---even our eye witness accounts, our memories, and our assertions---is not 100 percent true or false, but is only probably, to some degree or another, accurate, we can learn, grow, and work things out with people.

18. GROWING & CHANGING---are very basic processes we usually think are rooted in desire, to the exclusion of skills. We need skills for continuous, personal Growing and Changing as much as we need anatomical and physiological abilities to pump oxygen to our cells and to digest food. We need these skills to continually improve our personal and intimate relationships as well as our abilities to do our work, and participate in our communities. Growing & Changing skills help achieve a sense of receiving from others, and giving meaning to others. Without these skills, we grow old before our time, we create contradictions and distance in our relationships, and we often are put on the shelf far too early. Those of us who continue our Growing and Changing feel better connected to others, unless we somehow get tied up with people without these skills, who thwart growth and change. These are people who have developed cement-like mind-sets that we are what we do and nothing can be done about it. Stay away!

19. WILLPOWER---is the ability---or skill---to make yourself do things whether you feel like it at the moment, or not. As Einstein wrote in "Ideas and Opinions", after noting we have ideals that direct us, "In this sense I have never looked upon ease and happiness as ends in themselves---this ethical basis I call the ideal of a pigsty." Pg. 9. Whether we work for an ideal such as a Culture of Democracy, or for a goal of making a relationship work, or for completing a task, we do not always feel like making the effort. We live by the ethic, which we keep reminding ourselves to follow, to live up to our commitments. We review our Options, and our Consequences. We remind ourselves the tasks are rewarding in themselves, and that is where our real sense of becoming, involvement, and doing is created. And we often go through a number of other Self-talk skills in order to make ourselves do what we don't feel like doing at the moment. Added up, Willpower is a skill, not simply a matter of that mystical thing we call character, or toughness, or what have you.